I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
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