Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
