when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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