im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
