I wanna bring you to show and tell
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
