Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Randomize
