i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
