and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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