Cold hands, warm shart.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
