OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
