So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
