all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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