He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
