never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
