i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
