For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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