i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
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