so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
