Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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