My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
