i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize