he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
