When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
