Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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