i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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