Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
