Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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