Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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