so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
