Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
