dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
