Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
