I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
