he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
