where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
