so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Randomize
