So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
420 ftw
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize