Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
