No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
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