I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
