i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize
