I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
