Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize