3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
