if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
