She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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