My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
im calling her cock vulture from now on
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
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