dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
