did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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