and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
