Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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