Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
