Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize
