oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
