I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
He literally asked permission to hit on me
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
