I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
