I'm lost and stupid without you.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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