They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize