they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
