Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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