I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
