Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
