Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
