Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
