therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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