I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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