Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
as a side note pls kill me
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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